Walking Along Side Aging Parents
By Sara Caldwell
How does one help skew the numbers of those living in multi-generational households in our country and neighborhoods? Join the growing trend.
That’s what we did six and a half years ago – in order to “walk along side” my mother, Patty, during her later years. She turned 80 in July – and she’s still clipping along. Adding to that, she said, “Well, slow but sure!”
My husband, Jim, and I, along with my mother, designed and built a home in Ballard that includes a “mother-in-law” apartment on the ground floor. As Jim says, “It came equipped with a real mother-in-law!”
My mother loves her special place. She has a beautiful back yard with natural light and a patio space with flowering pots. In the winter, she loves staying cozy near the gas fireplace in her home. More importantly, though, life is shared in our comings and goings – and the generous love of our dog, Harley. Patty is independent and enjoys her own place, but she also has someone checking in with her every day to ensure she’s OK. We share some meals together, family celebrations, hanging out time, errands, doctor appointments, and many special gatherings at our house. We purposefully set out to create a nurturing space so Jim and I are close to help her during her aging transitions. My brother, Peter, and his family are not far away either.
By God’s grace, we are blessed beyond measure to care for each other and love one another. Now, as she has started to use a cane and a walker for more stability while walking, I try to be alert to help her bring things into the house. When there have been health emergencies, we are close. When she needs help going to medical appointments, I make sure I’m available. When her computer or TV remote needs to be fixed, Jim is right on it! Many other caring friends are part of her life, too.
Our purposeful design to “walk along side” each other is working well, even though we have challenges like all families do. I think this is one way of “God’s design” for us – as He, too, gently walks with us all. Not all families can do this – especially when a loved one lives in a different city or state. We never know the full length of life or the quality of life we will experience as we age; however, we are doing our best to ensure that my mother has the best possible home life for as long as she lives.
Down the road, later in life, when Jim and I can’t climb the stairs to our place, we say that we’ll move to the ground floor – and hopefully – we’ll have someone looking out over us, too!