I am halfway through the three year Master of Divinity program at Fuller Theological Seminary’s Northwest campus in Seattle. At first glance, my time in seminary could be summed up as reading books, reflecting, and writing papers. Anyone who has had the privilege of experiencing this journey can relate to the countless hours spent studying. Although I have increased in my knowledge of church history, doctrine, and biblical languages, what I have noticed most looking back is the change that has been occurring within. Seminary has challenged views I had of myself, community, and God.
First, I am coming to know who I am and, even more importantly, I am accepting that person. There are areas of my life and emotions that I have chosen to cut off because I did not like them. In my attempt to live only out of the accepted parts of myself, I essentially kept God from performing much needed healing in the other areas. My experiences in seminary have impressed upon me the practice of bringing my whole self before God. In knowing the deepest parts of myself I more easily connect with the brokenness of humanity and experience a greater sense of gratitude knowing that I am fully accepted by my Creator.
Because of the work that is being done within me, my relation to community is changing. I am beginning to appreciate the ways in which God uses others to communicate love, wisdom, correction, acceptance, and direction. Much of this has been experienced not only in my community at Fuller, but also in our time at Sanctuary. My wife Kristi and I have been a part of Sanctuary for 8 months, and during this time we have been warmly embraced by the church and the Greenwood neighborhood. I am confident coming to the people of this community with my confusion, fears, excitement, joys and disappointments during my seminary training because I know God delights in using these people.
These changes are not taking place in isolation from one another; they are intimately connected and inseparable. The changes occurring inside of me are directly influenced by my life in community, and I am finding that my understanding of God is changing as a result. Where for so long I confessed the love and provision of the Father with my mouth, these words are now slowly beginning to penetrate the deeper parts of my being. I am realizing that God does truly love his children although sin and life circumstances may tell us otherwise.
I know my journey into vocational ministry in the CRC is still in its youth, and sometimes I am hesitant to admit it. I would like to think that after seminary I will know everything necessary for handling the complexities of ministry, but in reality I will always be learning; seminary is only a concentrated three-year portion of the life-long learning and development process. I am grateful to be a part of such an intelligent, loving community where my wife and I can openly grow and participate in God’s Kingdom here and now, and I am humbled by the opportunity to be on this journey.
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