I have often struggled with the frequently spiritualized notion that we are “who we are in essence” but not “what we do.” I don’t think that’s true. At least not totally true.
I am a Christian. And, I hope, that connects to “doing Christian” – love, justice, peace-making, integrity, honesty, etc.
I do the work of a pastor. But, I am at the heart of who I am, a pastor. I tried to be an actor, a teacher, a radio/television person, a video and film producer. I didn’t fail at any of those things I DID. But, they never were quite “who I am”. My dad always wanted me to be a lawyer because he said I had a smart brain and way too smart of a mouth for his liking. Plus, they got rich! But alas, despite working toward law and taking the LSAT’s, I chose to work as a college career pastor in a church instead. Dad wasn’t pleased at the time.
While working in broadcasting and attending University Presbyterian Church here in Seattle, both Nancy and I felt a strong call to go to seminary. We had always been in ministry; Young Life, Preaching, teaching and Mothers Network were all a regular part of our life. But, Seminary led to a turn in direction. I knew at that point after some career success in each area I had worked, that being a pastor was my call.
Funny thing is that as I live into both being/doing the work of a pastor, I am not very traditional. I have what they call an apostolic bent. That is a religious word to describe an anxious and eager desire to expand the faith and build churches and ministries beyond the walls of any one church. I do like to preach and teach, but the outward reaching tendency is as much a part of my pastoral identity, perhaps more, than any other thing such as pastoral care/counseling and administrative aspects of church life.
The reason I am reflecting on this for this month’s newsletter is that a reminder of what I do and what I am struck me hard just about the middle of this month (beware the Ides of March) when I received an email from my cousins in England telling me that my dearest cousin, Nick, was full of pancreatic and liver cancer and beyond help. I wrote them back and said, how can I help. They asked me to come bury him when he was gone, like I have done so darned many of my relatives in the US and UK.
I am a pastor. I do pastor. They are the same. I wrote back saying, “Happy to bury you, but I’d rather hold you. Can I come soon?” So, end of April I head to England to be Randy and be a cousin and be a pastor all at the same time. And, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So, don’t get over invested in your vocation, but don’t get too far away from it either! If there’s not a good bit of who you are in what you do, I would love to sit and talk to you and pray with you about other options. If there’s a bit too much of what you do for work in who you are, maybe you and I should form a support/recovery group.
God bless who you are and what you do — and everything in between. You are loved!
Cheers,
Randy Rowland